YOUR FAVE IS PROBLEMATIC

koi-strology:

ARIES

• angry all the time
• thinks it’s cool to say the f-word
• doesn’t flush the toilet
• too hot? (hot damn)
• always at the top of every astrology post

TAURUS

• owns too many cats
• uses Pinterest
• takes all their selfies on snapchat
• actually lives inside a refrigerator

GEMINI

• two faced!!!!!!11!11!!!!1!!!
• always beats u at tic-tac-toe
• talks fast
• 2spoopy4me

CANCER

• hogs the snacks
• farts a lot
• is literally drowning in a pool of their own tears
• dances like a white dad at a barbecue

LEO

• owns 372 mirrors
• on their phone too much
• unpopular opinions
• better hair than u

VIRGO

• watches too many cat videos
• kekekekekekekekekek
• has an entire bottle of Lysol inside their butthole
• too nice wtf

LIBRA

• cuter than u
• smarter than u
• pee is clearer than urs
• better than u in every possible way

SCORPIO

• uses the eggplant emoji too much
• is a nerd
• tries to seduce you all the time (and succeeds)
• takes too long to text back

SAGITTARIUS

• is a weeb
• overly competitive
• actually owns a centaur but won’t tell me where it is
• smile is cuter than urs

CAPRICORN

• has hella cheekbones
• makes bad puns
• wears mismatched socks
• doesn’t wash their hands

AQUARIUS

• is also a weeb
• the CUTEST smile
• has an alien hidden in their bedroom 
• smol

PISCES

• talks 2 their stuffed animals
• sleeps all the time
• forgets to text back too much
• a e s t h e t i c