Under the cut is a personal spiritual thing I’ve needed to write down. Please do not reblog this post. You may like, reply, or send an ask if you want to talk about anything. Thank you.
At some point I realized I felt heavy- like I was carrying around lead weights that I couldn’t see, but I could definitely feel. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, metaphorically not physically, and like my mental image of my world was askew. Turns out I wasn’t even in my usual forest any longer.
When I was finally able to take a true look around – after two readings and an emotional meltdown – I found myself sitting like a rock at the bottom of the ocean. I felt the waves far above as they rolled over me and rocked me gently. The depth of blues around me was beautiful, but I had no idea why I was there at all.
It turns out I was meant to be there for my own good. He had dropped me here, months ago it seems, to sort through some things I’d hidden from the light of day and find myself again. At that moment I was surrounded by nothing but the dark abyss and there was nowhere to hide from the things I’d felt and denied.
“Sink or swim.” I was told, though I was thoroughly sunk considering I’d had no idea I was supposed to be swimming. (Would it ill you to tell me something like that? No. I know. I had to “find it on my own”. Self discernment and all that jazz, right?)
So I began to swim. Up and up I went until that weight lifted from me and I could breathe again. I took deftly to the currents and I befriended many a scary looking shark, but sharks are vicious and I would take all the protection I could get.
I know that I’m not ready to wash ashore yet – I have much to learn and far to go still. I am lighter than I’ve felt in months and even though I know the things I have to deal with are difficult I know I’m ready. I know, because you thought I was ready and I haven’t seen you be wrong yet.
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