Normal Horoscope:

normal-horoscopes:

Aries: Wash your hands of the ordeal, its all behind you now.

Taurus: Beware of anything with antlers. The Old Game Shepards will not take you if you don’t bother them.

Gemini: They died in a car accident two years ago, they still follow you on tumblr and like your posts. You never knew them. They are glad for the company.

Cancer: Shes a fake bitch. Literally, she has a heart of clockwork and armored skin made of porcelain. Even unholy things like her shouldn’t gossip though.

Leo: Sorry about your cold, but the stars want you to know that the virus considers you a gracious and kind host.

Virgo: Check up on them. They don’t need it, but they’re always glad for it. Listen.

Libra: You will get the justice you desire. Justice is blind, and drags a blade with crippled legs. Justice can smell them. 

Scorpio: You can use burger king coupons like a tarot deck if you’ve had enough Tylenol. The stars and I do not recommend it though.

Sagittarius: Nobody gets what they deserve. You are worth more than the world can give.

Capricorn: Burn the evening.

Aquarius: There is a fickle beauty to an unsolved puzzle. I means you still have an experience to experience.

Pisces: The moon and the green mother love you, no matter what.